Leavin' On A Jet Plane

Im in Canberra! Visiting Tim and Sarah-Margaret, and spending a lot of time on the couch relaxing and being a pirate. And plundering Gibraltar a lot. No wonder I'm so tired and have issues leaving the couch. But since I'm now currently serving a jail sentence in Havana, i figured maybe I have time to catch up on some blogging! Bet you didnt know that they had computers in Havana jails did you.

So first things first, I need to lament about the terrible state of affairs regarding the complete suckiness of the fact that these guys have 4 peg people! 4! And they are all different colours! I have two, just a meagre old two, and they are both yellow. Not that I dont love jibber-jabber and magneto, because I do. They are my two yellow peggy people of happiness. Pepper loves them too, they are great for chewing and dangling and swatting and all that stuff. They havent yet been used to hang up clothes, but really none of the pegs in our house ever are. But I want coloured ones!! Pretty little varieties of colours. I feel left out with my poor two little yellow ones.

And yes, my peg people are named. And yes their names are Jibber-Jabber and Magneto. They are awesome names, not to be mocked.

And do you know TV in Australia is really quite sucky? There are no good soaps at good times. Or even bad soaps at good times. All the game shows are on at the same time, and all the tv programmes worth watching are on the same day. And the ads show things that are oh-so tempting, but finished and not being played anymore. Thus the need to be a pirate.

My trains of thought are all completely haywire right now, they are going all over the place, its like a major derailment. Guess its what happens when i turn my brain off for a little while.

I went to a thing called Floriade today. There were a million or so tulips there, all just growing and being pretty, and occasionally being in patterns and themed and stuff. There was also heat, many many photographs, crunchy seeds, hundreds of bugs, and teacups. Like in Disneyland, with the spinning and the throwing up and the stuff. But we didnt go on those because Sarah Margaret is a chicken. And also they were too small and designed for children and it was time to leave so Smgt could go to work, but mostly because she is chicken. So I now have a billion and one little pictures of tulips on my phone to be used for backgrounds. For all of ten minutes.

So I caught a plane over here on Saturday. Then Tim took me shopping. And he took me to a bookstore, and a CD store. Ohhhh things we dont have in NZ.... no, wait...
And then we went to a pharmacy, and a McDonalds. Again, not exactly amazing and enthralling things. But oh well, its the company that matters. Right?

Had a brief tour of Canberra, saw basically everywhere that bad things happen. Seriously, if you want a tour of Canberra, ask Tim and Sarah Margaret, you get to see death and poverty, and get lost and find out how you too can die and get lost.

Last night we went out to dinner. And then up a hill in the freezing cold to look at the admittedly beautiful lights of Canberra, there was a lot of pointing and explaining things, but have you ever tried to follow someone elses finger to where they are pointing? I can tell you the names of many things here, but not what they look like or where they are, but I can tell you whats next to them as well. Im the resident expert...

Tonight there seems to be TV watching, waiting for food to come home so that we can have dinner, and there is talk of going up a large tower to see some more lights. As you do....

Creep

Well, its been ages. I always knew blogging would be something that i would be sporadically prolific at though, so not surprising.

So, anyways, we have been trading interesting hospital stories at work lately, and there were a few that were pretty gross, so my first thought was of course that i should totally share them with the internet. Coz I'm generous like that.

The other day we had a patient who had a 24 hour heart monitor on. I was the only one available to remove it for him, which we should have known would spell disaster straight away. I ALWAYS get the interesting patients. So I was disconnecting him from the wires, taking off all the electrodes etc, and I pulled at the cords to get them away from the patient, assuming that like most people he had just tucked the excess into his pants. Of course you should never assume in such a situation.

"Hold on a second dear" He said, beginning to sweat and reaching into his pants

Eyebrows raised and ready to run from the room I said "Um, ok" and dropped the leads

A couple of minutes later I was glad I have had lots of practice at not showing any expression as he turned around and said

"The cords kept falling out of my belt so I have looped them around my testicles" And handed me the cords.

Later, as I was downloading the data and adding the details from the patient diary on to the computer I noticed this entry

"After a series of bowel motions of a very loose disposition I went to bed"

followed by

"Diarrhea"

and I got up and washed my hands again. And washed the monitor again. And ran out to tell my workmates. And AJ summed it up nicely with "hmm... and he had it tucked around his testicles yeah? Wow, I hope he wipes front to back"

The wheels on the bus go round and round

Some people seem to beleive that when they are in a bus seat nobody around them can see what they are doing. Take for instance the girl this morning. She got on in Kilbirnie, and looked around shiftily (shiftily is SO a word) then out of her bag she got a bowl, and a packet of coco-pops and some milk. Then she commenced to eating her breakfast right there on the bus. Unsurprisingly the first time the driver went round a corner, milk went everywhere. I was actually pretty impressed that she got that far without spilling anything.

Theres also the girl who waits until she is on the bus to do her makeup. And some days, it looks like she has done it on a bus beleive me. But most days, the way she confidently brushes her eyelashes with the thickest coat of mascara known to man is just something to behold. Once she started with the mascara about 5 minutes after getting on the bus, there was quite a bit of traffiic so it took us about 45 minutes to get into town, and she was going at it with that little mascara brush the whole time! She must have had the heaviest eyelashes in the world that day. The muscle power required by her eyelids just to even blink would have been amazing. If she had that power proportionate in all her other muscles she could have rivalled Superman. And that would have been cool because we need more superheroes, but I just dont think "Mascara Girl" is a name that strikes fear into the hearts of evil-doers


Then there is the guy that gets on, looks around shiftily (the more times you use it, the more likely it is to become an actual word) then starts picking his nose. EVERY morning. And not just a little "oh, Ive got an itch at the end of my nose that needs scratching" pick, this is a full on finger right up the nose pick. And its not a small nose, if he isnt careful he could actually lose his finger up there. When he is done he wipes whatever yummy treats he finds up there on the seat. If you are ever catching a bus in Wellington, do not sit in the third row from the back. Unless you like other people's snot, in which case, well.... EW!

When Kate and I used to catch the bus together there was this couple that was always on the bus with us. They got off somewhere around the centre of town, usually before us, and would always say "thanks Steve" as they got off the bus. Using our brilliant powers of deduction we decided that clearly, the driver's name MUST be Steve. Well, duh of course it must be. But then one day I was going back into town late in the afternoon and Steve got on the bus and sat down in the seat across from me. We commenced to chatting, and I at some stage said "So, your name is Steve right?". He looked at me pretty strangely, and answered in the negative. Then of course he asked why on earth I would think that. I mentioned the couple and their "thanks Steve-ing" and he burst out laughing. "I KNOW!" He said loudly, making me jump "They have been doing that for 6 months now, every morning, and I dont get it. My name is Charlie by the way". Kate and I had a good giggle about that, but then sadly one day, the Steves stopped catching the bus. And we thought all our amusement had gone away

About a week later a very nervous looking platinum blonde lady got on, pushed people out of her way and acted like a general ass, drawing attention to herself straight away. So we had to make snarkey comments because, well, who wouldnt really. She had these giant glasses on, she looked like a fish. And she was wearing a black power suit with a lime green top. Right out of the eighties. As she got to her desired stop she pushed the button to alight, marched in the direction of the door, and stood there looking huffy as the driver maneouvered his way into the stop. As the doors opened she strode forwards, tripping on the metal bit in the doorway, as she stumbled to the pavement you could hear, very definately if a little mumbled "Thanks Steve". And I'm sure she heard us burst out laughing as Charlie looked at us in the mirror and winked.

Silence Is Golden

I like people. Really, I do. I swear.

However, people are really annoying and confuse me often.

This morning I had a message on my phone, from someone confirming their appointment for a test. But they had got the answerphone so wanted me to ring them to confirm I had got their message, and so I did. I got their answerphone, so I left just a basic message, along the lines of "Hi, I'm just confirming that I got your message, and I look forward to seeing you at your appointment on....."

I have just cleared my answerphone and found the message confirming that they got my confirmation of their confirmation. Can I ring to confirm that I got this message as well please?

I dont think I will bother.

In other news I went to Mirimar over the weekend, and bought some plants. The cat commenced to eating them immediately. We yelled at her, so she started doing it more sneakily. So now one plant lives on top of the fridge, and one plant lives on top of the bookcase. I bet when I get home the little rat will still have found a way to eat them all up. Then I came to work this morning and was talking about the little bratty kitten who was eating all my plants, and my co-worker that I got the cat from says "Oh yeah, the cat likes to eat plants. I forgot to tell you that, She ate all my ferns when I had her". GAH!

I may also have yelled by accident today. A couple of the cardiologists were leaving the cafeteria just as we got there, and there was a slight pile-up, so same co-worker and one of the cardiologists we just sort of grinning goofily at each other, and I may have been a bit loud with my "MOVE" which was totally not as friendly as I intended it to be. I think I need a holiday.

However, on the bright side, my testing machine still totally works. Which is good. I far prefer it when its not blowing up on patients, they dont get so mad at me that way.

Helter Skelter

Today is what we like to call a not busy day at the hospital in polite circles. I'm not in polite circles, so instead I just say "fuck I'm bored". There is literally nothing to do. There is a list of things to check if bored. Here is the list:

1. Echo reporting - We go get the reports, put labels on the top, check to see if the patient is coming in again to the hospital anywhere within the next couple of months. If not, they get put in the basket. Takes 5 minutes. Already all done and up to date with this
2. Enter referrals. This is when we take a patient referral details, data input into the hospital system, tick the little box and put it in the tray.Done this.
3. Do tests. Cant do tests if no patients. Cant have patients if nobody is sick. People need to get sick so that I can have work to do. Seems wrong to hope for people to get sick, so I'm going to take this as a "done this, hopefully wont have to do more of this"
4. Do filing and other various paperworkie things
5. Blog.

Gotta do what the boss says. Although, not sure she means blog in this fashion. She probably means booklog which is when we just put ticks inside a book to say the patients results have been seen by a cardiologist. But in the spirit of ambiguious instructions, here I am.

So, interesting day today. Clare had a patient for a treadmill test. She got her all set up and ready and walking on the treadmill without noticing anything amiss. Only when the patient took her knickers off with a flourish while walking AND having her blood pressure taken did Clare think, hmmmm... something might be amiss here. And she is right, an 80 year old woman should not be able to do all those things at once.

Ever noticed the second you find something to do that is non-work related and drives away the boredom along come several work related things to do. Patient to see, holter to clean and download. Guess I better hop to it.

Money for nothing

YAY! or so i thought. I got my first comment just now, and it was SPAM! someone looking for easy ways to make money, and then telling me how I can make $900 by just having fun. I can think of several ways. I dont think I wanna go there though...

But anyways, i thought maybe it would be a good challenge, ways to make money.... Im going to see if I can think of at least ten. Keep my only commentor happy.

1. Get a job! Simple, easy, effective. Tried and tested.
2. Get your flatmate to make fudge, package it attractively, sell it on the beach. The key to this is to get your flatmate to do it. If you do it yourself, it can be a disaster. Trust me.
3. Beg. Do NOT at any stage while begging use the words "I beg of you" though. Its just not right. There is a guy who begs down our street, and the second he says "please, i beg of you, i plead of you" the wallet stays in my bag. I dont know what it is about those sentences, it could be the way he says them, but make sure you have an appropriate begging routine. Ask for money for food, or petrol, or so that you dont have to eat your kitten.... anything but the beg word
4. Design cards and sell them. I bought one of these today, the guy had a brilliant sales technique as well. First he complimented me (always do that) then he told me they were selling cards to raise money so that they didnt have to go on the dole. Now thats something i can get behind. And the cards were all purpose, and the guy was nice. It was a very appealing overall package.
5. Never overlook the possibility of counterfeit. Now thats making money. You can make however much you like. A good hint though is to use that money in smaller stores. Or use it in conjunction with real money to make it less obvious.
6. Sell all of your stuff. Then use all the money you just made replacing all your stuff.
7. Go to the reserve bank of mum and dad. Make a withdrawal.
8. Attempt to sell your sister/brother. Note this doesnt always work as people arent always willing to buy them
9. Collect all your useless vouchers. Spend some of the money on them on useless things, leaving always enough that you get cash instead of voucher in return
10. Sell your body. In pieces it is worth more than as a whole. Just like a car.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Ah the responsibility of being a blogger. Trying to come up with something of interest to say. Trying to come up with a theme to go with. Ive seen blogs dedicated to diseases, infertility, television, feminist rage, daschunds, monkey poetry...

I dont know where I'm going to go with this. The only idea so far is to keep a theme running through the titles. Im already struggling and this is only my third one. And this post is nothing to do with hearts, or moons. But about power. So you have to think abstractly with the heading. And think to the middle of the song where Bonnie Tyler tells you "Im living in a power keg and giving off sparks"

Last night we had a power cut. We were sitting in our lounge happily watching tv, middle of the latest season of Amazing Race, fingers crossed that the hippies would do well this time, and boom. Everything went off. Just as i took a bite into a tortilla wrap I had made, and accidentally put too much chilli sauce and natural yoghurt in, so I really needed to see what I was doing. When the power went back on two and half hours later, I could see I was going to have to do some clothes washing in the near future. Of course the power only went back on after our regularly scheduled tv viewing was finished. Stupid power. Its amazing how addicted we are to TV and heating, and hot drinks, and hot water.

Fortunately I had recently bought a torch. Unfortunately I wanted to finish eating my food, so Kate got to light the candles. Kate and fire do not mix. Three candles lit later, we need to buy a new box of matches. She is scared of burning her fingers on the matches so she lights one match, lights one candle, then throws the match at the next wick and just hopes something will happen. All that tends to happen is the match goes out.

So we spent the next hour or so reading the laptop in the light of the candles. Thanks to Television without Pity we managed to not miss a second of The Amazing Race. Unfortunately because we are behind America I now know who wins this season, but Kate doesnt. And Miss Alli is a great recapper. So very funny even though she hates the hippies and we love them. Fortunately she also hates Frankenbarry, so she shows a little good taste there.

Sadly TWoP doesnt recap NCIS, so we totally missed that. Hopefully my dad will have taped it. The power came on 4 minutes after NCIS finished. Stupid power.


Today I went for a walk, and down the road there is a power box, and its got this huge dent in it. And it sparked at me when I walked past. Now I'm no expert, but I dont think thats a great sign. So fingers crossed for no power cuts tonight. Because tonight is Rockstar night. And tonight Gilby (the pirate king) is playing guitar while Dilana sings. Or rasps really. And its got to be awesome.