Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The wheels on the bus go round and round

Some people seem to beleive that when they are in a bus seat nobody around them can see what they are doing. Take for instance the girl this morning. She got on in Kilbirnie, and looked around shiftily (shiftily is SO a word) then out of her bag she got a bowl, and a packet of coco-pops and some milk. Then she commenced to eating her breakfast right there on the bus. Unsurprisingly the first time the driver went round a corner, milk went everywhere. I was actually pretty impressed that she got that far without spilling anything.

Theres also the girl who waits until she is on the bus to do her makeup. And some days, it looks like she has done it on a bus beleive me. But most days, the way she confidently brushes her eyelashes with the thickest coat of mascara known to man is just something to behold. Once she started with the mascara about 5 minutes after getting on the bus, there was quite a bit of traffiic so it took us about 45 minutes to get into town, and she was going at it with that little mascara brush the whole time! She must have had the heaviest eyelashes in the world that day. The muscle power required by her eyelids just to even blink would have been amazing. If she had that power proportionate in all her other muscles she could have rivalled Superman. And that would have been cool because we need more superheroes, but I just dont think "Mascara Girl" is a name that strikes fear into the hearts of evil-doers

Then there is the guy that gets on, looks around shiftily (the more times you use it, the more likely it is to become an actual word) then starts picking his nose. EVERY morning. And not just a little "oh, Ive got an itch at the end of my nose that needs scratching" pick, this is a full on finger right up the nose pick. And its not a small nose, if he isnt careful he could actually lose his finger up there. When he is done he wipes whatever yummy treats he finds up there on the seat. If you are ever catching a bus in Wellington, do not sit in the third row from the back. Unless you like other people's snot, in which case, well.... EW!

When Kate and I used to catch the bus together there was this couple that was always on the bus with us. They got off somewhere around the centre of town, usually before us, and would always say "thanks Steve" as they got off the bus. Using our brilliant powers of deduction we decided that clearly, the driver's name MUST be Steve. Well, duh of course it must be. But then one day I was going back into town late in the afternoon and Steve got on the bus and sat down in the seat across from me. We commenced to chatting, and I at some stage said "So, your name is Steve right?". He looked at me pretty strangely, and answered in the negative. Then of course he asked why on earth I would think that. I mentioned the couple and their "thanks Steve-ing" and he burst out laughing. "I KNOW!" He said loudly, making me jump "They have been doing that for 6 months now, every morning, and I dont get it. My name is Charlie by the way". Kate and I had a good giggle about that, but then sadly one day, the Steves stopped catching the bus. And we thought all our amusement had gone away

About a week later a very nervous looking platinum blonde lady got on, pushed people out of her way and acted like a general ass, drawing attention to herself straight away. So we had to make snarkey comments because, well, who wouldnt really. She had these giant glasses on, she looked like a fish. And she was wearing a black power suit with a lime green top. Right out of the eighties. As she got to her desired stop she pushed the button to alight, marched in the direction of the door, and stood there looking huffy as the driver maneouvered his way into the stop. As the doors opened she strode forwards, tripping on the metal bit in the doorway, as she stumbled to the pavement you could hear, very definately if a little mumbled "Thanks Steve". And I'm sure she heard us burst out laughing as Charlie looked at us in the mirror and winked.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Silence Is Golden

I like people. Really, I do. I swear.

However, people are really annoying and confuse me often.

This morning I had a message on my phone, from someone confirming their appointment for a test. But they had got the answerphone so wanted me to ring them to confirm I had got their message, and so I did. I got their answerphone, so I left just a basic message, along the lines of "Hi, I'm just confirming that I got your message, and I look forward to seeing you at your appointment on....."

I have just cleared my answerphone and found the message confirming that they got my confirmation of their confirmation. Can I ring to confirm that I got this message as well please?

I dont think I will bother.

In other news I went to Mirimar over the weekend, and bought some plants. The cat commenced to eating them immediately. We yelled at her, so she started doing it more sneakily. So now one plant lives on top of the fridge, and one plant lives on top of the bookcase. I bet when I get home the little rat will still have found a way to eat them all up. Then I came to work this morning and was talking about the little bratty kitten who was eating all my plants, and my co-worker that I got the cat from says "Oh yeah, the cat likes to eat plants. I forgot to tell you that, She ate all my ferns when I had her". GAH!

I may also have yelled by accident today. A couple of the cardiologists were leaving the cafeteria just as we got there, and there was a slight pile-up, so same co-worker and one of the cardiologists we just sort of grinning goofily at each other, and I may have been a bit loud with my "MOVE" which was totally not as friendly as I intended it to be. I think I need a holiday.

However, on the bright side, my testing machine still totally works. Which is good. I far prefer it when its not blowing up on patients, they dont get so mad at me that way.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Helter Skelter

Today is what we like to call a not busy day at the hospital in polite circles. I'm not in polite circles, so instead I just say "fuck I'm bored". There is literally nothing to do. There is a list of things to check if bored. Here is the list:
  1. Echo reporting - We go get the reports, put labels on the top, check to see if the patient is coming in again to the hospital anywhere within the next couple of months. If not, they get put in the basket. Takes 5 minutes. Already all done and up to date with this
  2. Enter referrals. This is when we take a patient referral details, data input into the hospital system, tick the little box and put it in the tray.Done this.
  3. Do tests. Cant do tests if no patients. Cant have patients if nobody is sick. People need to get sick so that I can have work to do. Seems wrong to hope for people to get sick, so I'm going to take this as a "done this, hopefully wont have to do more of this"
  4. Do filing and other various paperworkie things
  5. Blog.

Gotta do what the boss says. Although, not sure she means blog in this fashion. She probably means booklog which is when we just put ticks inside a book to say the patients results have been seen by a cardiologist. But in the spirit of ambiguious instructions, here I am.

So, interesting day today. Clare had a patient for a treadmill test. She got her all set up and ready and walking on the treadmill without noticing anything amiss. Only when the patient took her knickers off with a flourish while walking AND having her blood pressure taken did Clare think, hmmmm... something might be amiss here. And she is right, an 80 year old woman should not be able to do all those things at once.

Ever noticed the second you find something to do that is non-work related and drives away the boredom along come several work related things to do. Patient to see, holter to clean and download. Guess I better hop to it.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Money for nothing

YAY! or so i thought. I got my first comment just now, and it was SPAM! someone looking for easy ways to make money, and then telling me how I can make $900 by just having fun. I can think of several ways. I dont think I wanna go there though...

But anyways, i thought maybe it would be a good challenge, ways to make money.... Im going to see if I can think of at least ten. Keep my only commentor happy.

  1. Get a job! Simple, easy, effective. Tried and tested.
  2. Get your flatmate to make fudge, package it attractively, sell it on the beach. The key to this is to get your flatmate to do it. If you do it yourself, it can be a disaster. Trust me.
  3. Beg. Do NOT at any stage while begging use the words "I beg of you" though. Its just not right. There is a guy who begs down our street, and the second he says "please, i beg of you, i plead of you" the wallet stays in my bag. I dont know what it is about those sentences, it could be the way he says them, but make sure you have an appropriate begging routine. Ask for money for food, or petrol, or so that you dont have to eat your kitten.... anything but the beg word
  4. Design cards and sell them. I bought one of these today, the guy had a brilliant sales technique as well. First he complimented me (always do that) then he told me they were selling cards to raise money so that they didnt have to go on the dole. Now thats something i can get behind. And the cards were all purpose, and the guy was nice. It was a very appealing overall package.
  5. Never overlook the possibility of counterfeit. Now thats making money. You can make however much you like. A good hint though is to use that money in smaller stores. Or use it in conjunction with real money to make it less obvious.
  6. Sell all of your stuff. Then use all the money you just made replacing all your stuff.
  7. Go to the reserve bank of mum and dad. Make a withdrawal.
  8. Attempt to sell your sister/brother. Note this doesnt always work as people arent always willing to buy them
  9. Collect all your useless vouchers. Spend some of the money on them on useless things, leaving always enough that you get cash instead of voucher in return
  10. Sell your body. In pieces it is worth more than as a whole. Just like a car.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Ah the responsibility of being a blogger. Trying to come up with something of interest to say. Trying to come up with a theme to go with. Ive seen blogs dedicated to diseases, infertility, television, feminist rage, daschunds, monkey poetry...

I dont know where I'm going to go with this. The only idea so far is to keep a theme running through the titles. Im already struggling and this is only my third one. And this post is nothing to do with hearts, or moons. But about power. So you have to think abstractly with the heading. And think to the middle of the song where Bonnie Tyler tells you "Im living in a power keg and giving off sparks"

Last night we had a power cut. We were sitting in our lounge happily watching tv, middle of the latest season of Amazing Race, fingers crossed that the hippies would do well this time, and boom. Everything went off. Just as i took a bite into a tortilla wrap I had made, and accidentally put too much chilli sauce and natural yoghurt in, so I really needed to see what I was doing. When the power went back on two and half hours later, I could see I was going to have to do some clothes washing in the near future. Of course the power only went back on after our regularly scheduled tv viewing was finished. Stupid power. Its amazing how addicted we are to TV and heating, and hot drinks, and hot water.

Fortunately I had recently bought a torch. Unfortunately I wanted to finish eating my food, so Kate got to light the candles. Kate and fire do not mix. Three candles lit later, we need to buy a new box of matches. She is scared of burning her fingers on the matches so she lights one match, lights one candle, then throws the match at the next wick and just hopes something will happen. All that tends to happen is the match goes out.

So we spent the next hour or so reading the laptop in the light of the candles. Thanks to Television without Pity we managed to not miss a second of The Amazing Race. Unfortunately because we are behind America I now know who wins this season, but Kate doesnt. And Miss Alli is a great recapper. So very funny even though she hates the hippies and we love them. Fortunately she also hates Frankenbarry, so she shows a little good taste there.

Sadly TWoP doesnt recap NCIS, so we totally missed that. Hopefully my dad will have taped it. The power came on 4 minutes after NCIS finished. Stupid power.

Today I went for a walk, and down the road there is a power box, and its got this huge dent in it. And it sparked at me when I walked past. Now I'm no expert, but I dont think thats a great sign. So fingers crossed for no power cuts tonight. Because tonight is Rockstar night. And tonight Gilby (the pirate king) is playing guitar while Dilana sings. Or rasps really. And its got to be awesome.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

You can leave your hat on


Anyone who has made it here, you are perfectly welcome. Leave comments, leave suggestions, leave whatever you like. We are not a forest, there are no "leave only footprints" rules. Leave litter,leave leaves even if you want. Only we ask do not leave any form of guano. Because I get enough of that every Wednesday (plenty of posts on that to follow, have no doubt). If you dont know what guano is come closer...... its shit!!!!! Now lets pretend I never said that, its not a good way to start off. I cant, however, promise that I will be swear free completely, but I give it at least a month before the potty mouth runs free.....

So, Im watching the news, apparently smoking has now got the potential to be classified as a disability due to its addictive nature. Theres not much I'm passionate about, in fact I muddle through life without taking a stand on just about anything, but there is one thing I can't stand. Smoking. I work in a place where I get to see the immediate after effects of people who smoke, its not pretty. It makes my day that much harder and grosser to see all these people smoking everywhere. It appalls me to see people who are in the hospital as patients and cant move to do most of their bodily functions, but can still manage to get outside to smoke. Where its illegal. And where I have to walk past it, and our patients with lung conditions have to walk past it. And its thoughtless. There is nothing worse than getting in a lift after a smoker has got out of it. The smell just gets inside you and you feel as though something is trying to choke you. I have a friend who makes a point of coughing whenever she walks past a smoker. To be honest, I dont know if it makes any sort of difference to them. They already know that they are killing themselves and everyone around them. If they dont know, I can show them a heck of a lot of proof.

And the one thing that annoys me the most about people who smoke? I'm a bus-catcher. Im doing my part to cut down on the pollution in the atmosphere, and reduce the amount of traffic on the motorways(okay, so its not a concious choice, i just dont know how to drive yet....). And every morning as I stand at the bus stop I'm treated to a large dose of second hand smoke that I honestly could do without. Look, if you want to kill yourself (and don't kid yourself, lung cancer and COPD are caused by smoking, very very few smokers will get away with it, and these things kill. it takes a long time, its painful, its embarrasing, you cant look after yourself, and everyone around you suffers almost as much as you do) thats actually fine by me. I realise smoking is an addiction. I also know that if you truly want to give up you can, I have seen proof, but do you have to blow your smoke in my direction? I've even developed a smokers cough and I've never ever smoked. Just please, blow it AWAY!!

Thats all I ask. I know its a long rant, just for that. But please please please, anyone who smokes, blow the smoke away from the other people. Let smoking be a choice for them

Polythene Pam

So, what to use this blog for? I dunno. I could write whatever I want, thats kinda strange. Whatever I write I guess I better edit pretty carefully, or the comments section will be full up of Kate correcting my grammer and or spelling. Thats one of the perils of having a friend who has an English Degree.

Anyways, the title describes how I feel today, and why there may never be a photo of me on this website. For those of you that dont know, the song goes "Have you seen Polythene Pam, she's so good-looking that she looks like a man". I've never thought that was a compliment on pam herself, more a thinly veiled insult. Since I've been sick all day, I feel a bit of an uggo. My eyes are all puffy, my nose is running, my hands are covered in scratches from the overactive kitten. Who is actually a cat, but since she has decided to act like a crazy little kitten, thats what she gets called.

So I never thought I would get addicted to anything Martha Stewart-ish. But I watched her talk show today, and the way that woman handles a pumpkin! She was doing pumpkin carving, something our halloween hating society has totally missed out on, and she just made it look like something everyone could do. So I got up, got a small knife and a kumara in leiu of a pumpkin, and away I went. I am NOT artistic. Twenty minutes later, and a lot of failed artistic attempts, I was enjoying a nice bowl of kumara mash, and vowing never to try that again. Stupid Martha Stewart.

Oh well, I guess this is a start, and I will attempt to be more amusing in the future. I dont make any promises